What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
