haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
