So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
