I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
