apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
