Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
