we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
