you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
