I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
bring money and cleavage
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
