I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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