I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
