...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
