I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
that may or may not have been my penis.
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