Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
