Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
