i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
