Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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