He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
