babies were throwing up all over the place
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
