i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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