Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
