We won't sleep together?
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
