Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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