end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
