she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
