im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
