After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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