no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
