we're blogging at a bar
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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