And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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