dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
