dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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