come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
