forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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