left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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