I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
