You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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