That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
