shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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