Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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