While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
