the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize