You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
