They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize