I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
