I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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