You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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