He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
