If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im holly from the hills drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
