I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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