Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
