I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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