I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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