I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
