i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
