I'm going to jail i love you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
