Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
