just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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