Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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