I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize