Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
