Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
