i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize