I feel like abortions should bother me more
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
