I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
