this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
