If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
