I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
