I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
