He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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