so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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