don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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