I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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