There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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