My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
