Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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