a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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