the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
