Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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