The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
