Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
