I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
