OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't think brook has ever known best
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
