He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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