I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
