tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize