Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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