Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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