Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
