Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
