I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize