So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
