? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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