Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
