she was so not down for the gang bang
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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