I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
