i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
